


and you shine bright (like a thousand dying suns)

by ariya167



Category: The Diabolic Series - S. J. Kinkaid
Genre: F/F, Getting Together, Heavy Angst, Not Canon Compliant, Pre-Canon, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-07
Updated: 2018-11-07
Packaged: 2019-08-20 08:47:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16552646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ariya167/pseuds/ariya167
Summary: Nemesis loves her to the end of the galaxy and back, unconditionally, without any thought to herself. But Donia wants her to give thought to herself, to love not because someone told her to, but because she wants to.





	and you shine bright (like a thousand dying suns)

Sidonia is sketching Nemesis, the only sound in the room the soft scratch of her pencil on paper. It doesn’t take very long and she holds up the finished drawing for her.

 

It’s accurate. That is the first thing Nemesis thinks. She’s captured the stark lines of her face, the complete symmetry of her design, even somewhat the pigmentless colour of her hair and skin. Then she sees the drawing’s eyes. They’re sharp and assessing like hers, but with something else inside. For the lack of a better word, a spark. The divine spark Sidonia is so adamant about her having, regardless of all evidence to the contrary.

 

Abruptly, Nemesis stands up. There’s a cold rage building in her chest, and she doesn’t want Donia to see that. 

 

“Nemesis,” Sidonia says helplessly. Nemesis’ stomach twists, and she clenches her fists, looking away from her.

 

“You shouldn’t have done that.” she chokes out, hating how weak she sounds. “That’s not me.”

 

“It is,” Sidonia says, standing and grabbing Nemesis’ hand. She’s shorter by at least a foot, but her voice rings with steel. “You don’t see it, but you’re not just a tool, Nemesis. Not to me.” 

 

“I’m a Diabolic,” Nemesis laughs bitterly, twisting her hand out of Sidonia’s grasp. “It’s what I am, and no wishful thinking is going to change that!” 

 

Donia stares at her, tears glimmering in her eyes. Nemesis wants to take the words back, but she’s being foolish. Nemesis is a Diabolic and nothing more, no matter how much Sidonia wants her to be something else.

 

Then Donia kisses her. Her lips are soft and warm, and her skin smells like citrus, but Nemesis jerks away from her touch.

 

“What are you doing?” Nemesis chokes out, trying to get enough air in her lungs. She’s never felt this way before, not even back in the corrals, like she can’t catch her balance. It’s disconcerting. 

 

“I love you,” Sidonia says, all in a rush like she’s desperate to get the words out. “I can’t remember a time when I didn’t love you, Nemesis.” 

 

“Sidonia,” Nemesis says cautiously, afraid of the way her face looks like it’s about to crumple. Why is she doing this? It’s madness. “You know I care about you. But . . .”

 

But it’s not right. Nemesis is a Diabolic.

 

Nothing more.

 

“Nemesis-” Donia starts to say, but Nemesis cuts her off. 

 

“No, Sidonia. I can’t stop you from . . . from feeling these things for me. But this cannot, and will not, change anything between us, because I cannot feel the way you want me to.”

 

Nemesis strides out of the chamber before she can see Sidonia start to cry. Her heart is heavy-she was never meant to hurt Donia, but no matter how terrible she feels, this is protecting. 

 

 

There is no place in the Impyrean fortress that truly feels like home to Nemesis, except for when she is by Donia’s side. Still, she seeks out the gymnasium, hoping to drown her thoughts in the satisfying muscle-burn of exerting herself. 

 

She runs, faster and faster each lap, legs and arms pumping, that glorious fire burning in her limbs. Nemesis always runs to ease her mind, but now she cannot shake the thoughts that plague her.

 

Donia doesn’t understand, she never has. It’s easy for her-to pretend Nemesis is her equal, someone worthy of the blessing she fought so hard to give to her, even if she lost in the end. Sidonia’s always been effortlessly human, and, as Nemesis is starting to realize, she’s always resented that.

 

Nemesis slows to a stop, puzzled by this. She is designed for Sidonia in every way, of course, but even from the beginning, Sidonia treated her like an equal. Like a friend. Like a sister. Like it is easy for her-and that’s why it hurts. It hurts because what is easy for Donia has never been easy for Nemesis, no matter how much she wanted it to be. 

 

Nemesis slowly lowers her head between her knees, taking even, measured breaths to calm her racing heart. She had always vehemently denied the existence of any spark inside her, whereas Sidonia had insisted on it. 

 

Still, even when they disagree, Sidonia is the constant of her life. Nemesis loves her to the end of the galaxy and back, unconditionally, without any thought to herself. But Donia wants her to give thought to herself, to love not because someone told her to, but because she wants to.

 

Soft footsteps sound on the edge of her hearing, and her head jerks up, but it is only Sidonia.

 

“Hello,” Donia says hesitantly. Her face is still red and flushed, hands clenching in the fabric of her gown, and Nemesis is by her side before she’s even aware she’s moved. 

 

“I’m sorry,” Nemesis says automatically, because no matter what her feelings are she doesn’t want Donia to be hurting. But Donia shakes her head, eyes glittering with steel. 

 

“No,” she says fiercely, taking her hands in hers. “No, Nemesis. I should not have revealed my feelings to you. You’ve never believed me, but you are my equal. I love you, but I don’t want you to . . . to feel obligated to love me back. Above all, I want you to choose your own path, not one that was determined for you.”

 

Nemesis blinks, an epiphany dawning on her. After a few words, it seems like everything has been laid out neatly for her-how Sidonia never gave her orders, how she always wanted to know about Nemesis and what she wanted, how she treated even the Servitors with respect. Donia is the light of her life, and she’s starting to realize that she is the light of Donia’s. 

 

“Above all,” Sidonia continues, almost desperately, “I want you to be happy.”

 

“Oh, Donia,” Nemesis says, and her voice isn’t flat or emotionless, it wavers, and that scares her. But she presses on. “I would love you even if I wasn’t designed to. You have shown me such compassion, that no one would agree that I am warranted. But you’ve never cared-all you’ve ever wanted is for me to be happy.” Nemesis hesitates, swallowing-she isn’t prone to poetry or anything other than simple fact. But she will do it for Donia. “You’re like a star, Donia. I love you, always.”

 

Donia smiles, hesitantly, wiping away tears with the back of her hand. “Does this mean . . . ?”

 

“Yes, Donia, yes,” Nemesis says, and kisses her. She has to bend down to reach her, and she’s sure she’s not doing it right, but she doesn’t care. Donia’s lips are warm and soft and her touch sends shivers all over her body. 

 

Her hands find Donia’s shoulders and her frail collarbones, and Donia sinks into Nemesis’ touch. Hot, electric wanting burns in her veins, and she’s never felt like this before, never wanted anything but Sidonia’s safety and happiness. Doing something for herself feels very strange, but wonderful at the same time. When Nemesis was first bonded to Donia, she felt as if her heart was cracking open and love was pouring in. Now it feels as if her heart has cracked again, to allow Donia even deeper inside. 

 

“Oh, Nemesis,” Donia murmurs when they finally break apart. “Brilliant, beautiful, Nemesis.”

 

Sidonia settles into Nemesis’ arms, fitting perfectly like the space was carved just for her. Nemesis rests her chin on the top of Donia’s head, and thinks, this is where I was always meant to be.

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi to me on [tumblr!](nemedonia.tumblr.com)


End file.
